Attack of the 30th Birthday balloon

So............. for my, ahem, birthday, Mom sent me a 30th birthday balloon and some flowers... thank you very much, nice to see SOMETHING in the mail for my day................

Anyway...... I called her later and told her I was going to cut it up and mail it back to her. No 30's anywhere, please!

So, fast forward a couple of weeks. Cooper has an ear infection, and the medication used to treat it has caused temporary (we hope!) hearing loss. Steve is on shift and I have just turned the lights out to sleep. I'm laying there, settling down, and I hear this "tick, tick" noise. Sounds to me like Cooper dreaming in his bed on the floor on Steve's side of the room, and his feet are tapping against the wall. I call his name, trying to wake him out of his sleep so that he can reposition himself. Nothing. It stops momentarily, but when it starts up again, I call his name again in a slightly louder and more stern voice. Nothing. Another minute goes by and I throw one of the extra pillows from the bed down there to rattle him awake. ..... and I continue to hear the noise. I sit up, turn the light on, slump over, look at him, and he's laying there, looking at me perplexed, and then lays his head down on the pillow I just threw down. And then I hear the noise again. I look over on my side of the bed, and lurking next to my bedside lamp is that darn balloon. The heat is on, and as I sit looking at it, it lightly skips across the ceiling, making those little tick noises. AHH! I jump up, grab it, drag it out of the bedroom, hurl it down the stairwell, and go back to bed.

Proceed to the following night.......... Steve is home and we are asleep. It's about 4am. Suddenly, we are both awakened as Steve leaps from his side of the bed and swats his hand, where he had expected to see a great big spider crawling up his wrist. No. No spider. Alas, it's that darn 30 balloon, hovering over our bed, ribbon dangling between us. I grab the string, and give it a big whallop to send it towards the door, and then lay back down. But Steve is more awake now, and while lying down, is facing towards me and the door. I have smacked the balloon in a downward motion. Now, this is where you insert the beginning music from the movie Jaws, the slow music you here before you actually see the shark grab the swimmer. So, Jaws music, Steve watching the door, and then, in slow motion, the 30 balloon.... inch, by silvery mylar inch.... it creeps up the side of the bed.... the rainbow pattern, the top of the 3 and the 0, the rest of the numerals, they tie for the ribbon....... as it slowly travels back to wreak additional havoc. At this point, I am now wide awake, as Steve has practically vaulted over me to grab the balloon, bounds out of bed, and heads straight to his dresser, where he proceeds to grab a small pocket knife. With a flick of his wrist, he opens the blade, kneels down..... and stabs the 30 balloon to a bitter demise, the hiss of helium spewing slowly as it quickly flattens to the floor. When he is finished, he jumps back in bed...................... where we then bust up in hysterics at 4 in the morning.

Lucky for mom, we couldn't look at that balloon again, so it has been sent to the Negus Transfer Station via High Desert Garbage, and did not make it into an envelope. I'm not spending .39 for that sucker.

Today is Steve's 29/365, and fortunately, no obscene balloons have arrived at our door. But we will never forget the haunting of the 30 balloon in 2006.

:)